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What to do When Guests do not Respond to RSVP’s


When guests do not respond to RSVPs it seems like a giant pit forms in your stomach with the question of what to do next.  I get it, it is awkward and uncomfortable because you do not want to come off pushy, but on the flip side,  you know you have a deadline to meet with your caterer (side note- make the due date of your RSVP’s one week prior to your caterer needing meal counts). Below are some helpful tips to collecting those RSVPs respectfully.  

First off, do not start hounding guests the day after your RSVP deadline.  There will be guests who dropped the RSVP in the mail on the due date.  Give yourself 4-5 days after the deadline to begin reaching out.  

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Next, look at the list of guests who have not RSVP’d.  Are the guests you are waiting for your friends, your parent’s friends or your future in-law’s friends?  If they are not your friends, reach out to your parents or future in-laws and ask them if they do not mind contacting these guests.  When doing this, I would provide a sample of what to ask; 

“Hi Sally, this is Jessica Astir, I am calling on behalf of Brook Astir and Jake Meeks.  I hope you are having a great week so far.  I am reaching out because I know this time of year can get hectic and sometimes deadlines get overlooked.  I wanted to know if you plan on attending my daughter’s wedding on June 23rd.  We have to turn in a final headcount to the caterer on June 14th.  We understand if you are not able to attend, but wanted to reach out just in case.  

Attached to this sample, include the following questions; 

  • Names of guests attending
  • Are there any dietary restrictions?
  • If there is a meal choice, what would they like? 
  • What hotel are they staying at (for welcome bags)?

When reaching out to guests, I would not send a text message.  Text messages can have negative tones attached to them and there is not a paper trail connected.  Yes, talking on the phone is uncomfortable for some, but as far as etiquette, it is the right thing.  If you have hired a wedding planner, do not hesitate to have a trial call with them.  They are there to help you!

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